still...

I'm still here.

But finding my voice is a bit harder than I imagined and I'm not sure why.

Last night, my oldest daughter (all of ten years old) told me, in the most dramatic and desperate voice she could, that when she stares at a page, about to write, her mind just goes blank and "I can't, mama, I just CAN'T".

Oh, little girl, I get it. I really do.

But we have so much to say, she and I. And it looks like the soul searching continues in this house of ours. This very same girl is so much like me that I'm thrilled and proud and terrified all at the same time. I want very much to make it easier for her. To tell her to be brave, to trust herself, to love the gift of her amazing, complex, artistic and confusing mind (I want to tell myself that, too). But she'll have none of that. She has to figure it out as she goes along and, in the end, I know she'll be ok. But, oh my goodness, how I want to make it easier for her.

So, maybe we'll be quiet as we find our voices, or maybe we'll howl at the moon, or at each other. But watch out....when the soul searching teaches us what it will- when we, indeed, find our voices- what stories we'll tell, what poems we'll write and what worlds we'll change.

In the meantime, I'm still here.