birthday...

For the second time in the days leading up to my son's birthday, I am transfixed by news of a violence and horror that I can't comprehend.

Six years ago, on this very day, as I woke up with the knowledge and sensation that this little man was preparing to join us, I also woke up to news reports of Virginia Tech, a place so very close to home. As I became impatient for my body to kick into gear and help this baby into the world I was also struck by the thought that he was waiting, waiting for a new day, one not marked by so much grief.

And now, as he tells me every morning how many days it is until his birthday, I am watching a different but all too familiar scene on the news. It leaves me with a confused and naive feeling of wanting to shout "No, no! It's his birthday...nothing bad can happen...all is right with the world!" As if I can somehow change things for everyone if I can just get them to understand this bit of overlooked information.

I have no words of wisdom, no answers, nothing comforting to add to help explain what happened yesterday. But I do have a little boy, the most amazing, tender-hearted gift of a little boy who is about to turn six. We're going to celebrate his birthday, celebrate him, and all the while I'm going to send all the love and peace this sweet soul brings into the world to those who truly need it now.